cherrygash's Diaryland Diary

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Mostly moaning, and a neon orange man

Started prednisone today
Gave me some energy while traveling
Tapering for 6 days then monday i travel for ct scan

Therapist was full this week, i kind of need to talk...but maybe i dont
Im tired and sometimes it feels like circles anyway.

Had a minor melt down saturday
Its ok now..i guess, panic attack-emotion attack

I try to focus on other things
Losing interest
I know its my depression and i think it would be better if i physically felt better

Its just been this drug out thing that i thought would get better
Everyone said it would get better
Kind of eats at you

Thought after i got off a majority of my meds, things would fall back in place to my norm before
Im definately less of a zombie, but still have chronic issues im trying to pin down

My rheum sent a referral to get 2nd opinion in a larger city
Without warning he did a hair test, tugging at my side whisps
I was like, Do you want me to take my ponytail out?
He said no, and continued to tug at my baby strands
Oh, maybe he finally said
That shit kinda hurt, but was funny
Weirdo

Normal, ok, oh thats a positive
What is positive?
6 or more strands at one time
I do lose alot of hair, not balding
Still looking at Lupus, i have 2 of 4 qualifiers for a diagnosis

He says my case is iffy or tricky
I have positive Ana and elevated double stranded dna
Compliments were normal.

I try to get on the net and study, more indepth

I dont know what else to do.
Feel useless.
Its this fucking tiredness of it that gets me negative fast.

Its always bad at nite.

On a side note:

On the way home i passed a man, in a bright orange shirt, on a uni cycle, on the hwy.
He waved as i could not believe my eyes.
I busted up
Oh we were several miles from town, in 90 degree weather.

Thats the shit i live for.

12:24 a.m. - 2018-06-13

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